Ode to the Clown I Wanted to Be When I Was a Child (+ a Secret Garden Painting)
a recent poem and painting
Ode to the Clown I Wanted to Be When I Was a Child
She bikes onto stage, plastic horn honking,
the pompoms on the bike’s pink handles feathering
behind her as she goes, silver fringe catching the light.
“Nurse Knock Knees,” her big brother named her
when he was sick, when she put on his too-big sneakers
and waddled into the room, all knees and elbows,
trying to make him smile. She never learned to juggle,
but she pulls five beanie babies out of her parachute pants’
pockets, tossing them above her head and dodging as they fall.
Instead of lions, the family poodle trots around her and the falling
creatures, his mouth open in a wet smile. She’s braver than me;
I grew out of my extroversion and onto the page. She doesn’t mind;
not everyone can be a star. And I’m her biggest fan, watching
her grand entrance each night behind my eyelid curtains. She’s smiling
into the spotlights, looking for her brother in the crowd, our mom
and dad. I’m in the highest balcony watching from the future.
About the Poem
I recently attended a very sweet meeting of the Gugel Alley Writing group (co-led by fellow substacker Annette J Wick) and was inspired by a prompt based on the poem “Ode to the Dolly Parton Drag Queen” by Bruce Snider. The prompt asked “Who do you imagine yourself to be, who were you when you were a child, and what is your favorite persona?”
These questions made me think about my childhood aspiration of being a clown; as a kid I loved my wooden circus train toy set, and I loved when the Ringling Bros and Barnum and Bailey circus would visit Cincinnati. Instead of being scared of clowns like some of my friends, I admired their goofy antics and envied that their whole job was to make people laugh. When my older brother was sick, I practiced my clowning by wearing big shoes and trying to make him smile.
It’s so nice to have this poem as a way to honor that innocent childhood dream, and to consider how my personality has evolved (and remained the same) over the years. It’s also interesting to think of how writing may be a type of clowning—at its best, literature provides an experience for the reader, evoking joy and sorrow, and inspiring empathy. Maybe my adult dream of being a writer isn’t so different from my childhood hope of being a clown. I’m just glad I can do my writing in private, not under hot stage lights and expectant eyes. And it’s nice to wear shoes that fit. :)
About the Painting
Brad recently participated in the Richmond Art Museum’s Secret Garden Plein Air Paint Out with our friends Ray Hassard and Marilee Klosterman. We spent a beautiful day in a backyard garden on the outskirts of Richmond, Indiana. I brought my folding chair and notebook to write but ended up just talking with Ray and Marilee and watching Brad paint. We’ve been enjoying lots of time painting and writing outside in Kentucky, Ohio, and Indiana this summer and look forward to heading up north to NYC, Maine, and Philadelphia next week.
Brad’s painting “Hydrangeas” is currently on view and available for sale along with several others of Brad’s at the Richmond Art Museum.
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Where can I see the finished product? I went to the museum but they are not showing current works, or at least I cannot find them. Can you DM me a photo and price?
First all, what a cute story! I loved it.
Secondly, as an art major and art collector, I have to say, those hydrangeas are gorgeous! Well done Brad! I would classify it as good enough to submit to the Oil Painters of America and/or the American Impressionist Society. Go for it Brad! I bet you would get at least honorable mention.